The Husband

I Sleep Like a Hotdog

I roll back and forth, all night long. The Husband sleeps like a hamburger. Flip once onto each side.

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False Hippo Intelligence

The Maker: So what do hippos eat? The Husband: Hippos are herbivores. That means they eat grass and river weeds and stuff. Me: And fish, they eat fish. The Husband: They do not eat fish, they’re herbivores. Me: They DO eat fish! Remember the poem? “See the handsome hippopotamus / Wading on the river-bottomus / [...]

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Math Genius?

During a recent parent-child homework session we discovered that the Husband can instantly and simultaneously solve four addition flash cards, held upside down by one bemused wife and one increasingly astonished 7 year old son. If we’d had more sons present at the time, the challenge might have escalated. So here is a sentence I [...]

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What a Magic Wand Would Do

Things about your body you’d change. The First, age 12 be more muscular be more tan have black hair be older have smaller ears have fewer freckles The Husband, when he was age 12 be more muscular be more tan have a deeper voice The Maker, age 7 have armor be more muscular

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Stuff the Husband Found While Mowing the Lawn

I’d like to point out that those are his own busted out shoes.

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Who’s Bon Jovi?

Me: So who’s your favorite band? The Maker: My favorite band is Dad’s band. Me: Yeah, I like it too. What’s your favorite song right now? The Maker (singing): …on a steel horse I ride Both of us: I’m wanted (wanted) dead or alive. Me: That’s Bon Jovi. The Maker: Dad sings that song. Me: [...]

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Movies The Husband Has Seen More Than 5 and 10 Times

5x: Apollo 13, A Few Good Men, Hi Fidelity, Ocean’s Eleven, Meatballs, Star Wars, Die Hard, Three Days of the Condor, Sixth Sense, Scrooge 10x: Lord of the Rings (all three), Twelve Angry Men, Groundhog Day, The Fugitive

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The Twisted Sister Guide to Life (or, Dad’s in a Rock Band)

Dad to The Maker: What do you want to do with your life? The Maker: I wanna be a bow guy. (moment of silent confusion) Dad: “Huh?” The Maker: You know, one of those guys who shoots a bow. Dad: Oh. (pause, while getting back on track) Dad: Honey, next time I ask you what [...]

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Don’t Underestimate the Geek

The Husband says his favorite storyline can be classified with Jack Nicholson’s line from “A Few Good Men”: “You just messed with the wrong marine.” I’m thinking that’s a bit off, because you would want this to be spoken by Tom Cruise’s character, not Jack’s. However, you get the idea. It’s quintessential “Three Days of [...]

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Bar Conversation Hypothesis

The boys rockin the house… I usually go at least once or twice a month to hear the Husband play in an 80′s metal cover band. (No, he didn’t listen to that music growing up, but he does play bass and his friend was looking for a bass player.) I’m starting to form a hypothesis [...]

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