Bar Conversation Hypothesis

The boys rockin the house…

I usually go at least once or twice a month to hear the Husband play in an 80’s metal cover band. (No, he didn’t listen to that music growing up, but he does play bass and his friend was looking for a bass player.) I’m starting to form a hypothesis that the conversations you hear/have in a bar fall into one of four categories:

  1. Rock star fantasies
  2. Dramatic, sometimes weepy, declarations of love
  3. Non-sequiturs
  4. Observations on other people’s bad/stupid/outrageous behavior

For example, last night during the second set (everything juicy happens in the second set) I happened to see a guy wearing a Corrosion of Conformity shirt.

Me: “Hey, is COC still around? I saw them play live here years ago.”

Guy: “Oh man, I LOVE Corrosion of Conformity! Hey, I KNOW those guys really well!”

Me: “Really?”

Guy: “Yeah! I was almost their drummer! I talked to those guys for like a month! I almost got to play drums for their next album! I was like, this close! I was almost their drummer!”

That was sort of a combination of numbers one and two above. And it was kinda sweet, in a way. Doesn’t every guy wish he played in a rock band?

Here’s my favorite example of number three and two from last night. I was in the women’s room with an older woman and we are waiting our turn when the stall door bursts open and a tearful young woman with beautiful long brown hair says:

Long Brown Hair: “OMG. Do you have a hair tie? I really need a hair tie! I can’t find mine, I think it came out! OMG, I don’t know what I’m going to do!”

The older woman and I, stunned by the outburst, slowly raise our hands to our boy-length hair. Before either of us can say a word, the twenty-something at the sink turns woozily and cries:

Long Blond Hair: “Oh, honey, I know what you mean! I have always wanted short, darling hair like theirs, haven’t you? That style is so gorgeous, don’t you think? I have always wanted short hair like that.”

Then everybody hugged each other and we went back out to dance to “Pour Some Sugar on Me.”

There were three people who were the clear subject of number four above.

The first two were a couple who could have left and gone to his/her place, but didn’t. Once in a while a guy would circle around the oblivious couple, pretending to videotape the action.

The other was a dude who kept standing worshipfully in front of the lead guitar player, frequently trying to get his attention during the middle of a song. Sigh. The price of fame and glory. In this particular bar, the band sets up and plays on a stage that has a rail all the way around the front of it. (Heh. Sort of like an altar rail.) Fortunately the I-need-to-talk-to-you-right-now-while-you-are-playing-“Back in Black'” guy couldn’t actually get to the lead guitar player, but we all had fun saying things about him. Obviously a number one and four.

Compelling hypothesis, isn’t it? More testing is required, of course, but I could be on to something big.

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