Be Very Afraid

Here’s what $1.50 gets you from the neighborhood ice cream truck these days.

It doesn’t even look real, does it? Get this: the flavors in this ice cream travesty are fruit punch and cotton candy (rather than radioactive waste and bloody horror, which you might have guessed, even if you were stone blind).

I can’t tell you which color goes with which flavor; I was too frightened to taste it. The Maker particularly loves the SpongeBob frozen abomination because it has (black, break-a-molar) gumball eyes.

Maker: Mommy! Want a bite?
Me: Thanks, honey; I’d prefer nerve gas.

Oh, and you definitely need to make a stop at the Popsicle website where these loathsome horrors are peddled. Click on Man of Popsicle and watch the video short about the Bad-tempered Beavers of Backwash Bog. Never in my life did I ever hope to see beavers doing synchronized swimming. In the wild! I mean, just… wow.

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