Boxing Art Weirdness

Boxing Art Weirdness

I just happened to stumble across this image on Flickr (captured by Brandonschauer, who is in no way being held responsible here on The Glowing Edge for this freaky Warhol-kissing-Jean-Michael-Baptiste piece) and thought that there was no way in hell that I could work out on heavy bags with a pasty face of Jesus drawn all over them.

It’s not so much that it’s Jesus — you know, GOD — it’s more that it’s just such a stupid image of Jesus, he’s all pansy-looking. Not that I know what he looked like IRL, but please. I hate these passive, meek little storybook pictures. When I think of Jesus I think of someone who can kick my ass then take me out for a beer after. Sorry if that doesn’t work for you, but there it is.

Yes, I understand that it’s art, and Andy Worhol (plus Jean Michael Baptiste) art at that. But no.

Just.

No.

And no, you may not send me links to the Jesus-as-boxer painting. I’ve seen it, and I can’t envision this whiteboy Jesus with a back-lit 80s hair-metal hairdo that …precious. OMG, if you take my meaning.

(Now you’re sorry you clicked through to the Jesus-as-boxer link, aren’t you? Aren’t you glad I didn’t stick that one at the top of this post? Count your blessings, people.)

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11 Responses to Boxing Art Weirdness

  1. The Indelible Jonny B June 26, 2010 at 10:01 am #

    “When I think of Jesus I think of someone who can kick my ass then take me out for a beer after.”

    Best. Quote. Ever.

    Regarding Hair Metal Christ… I’ve always taken exception to the fact that Jesus is portrayed as an aryan. He was from the middle east for crying out loud… let’s be realistic about this.

    This portrait stills hangs in the social room at the church I grew up in. I remember asking our minister (when I was maybe 10) why Jesus was so pale. Shouldn’t he be darker? Being a UCC church, our minister told me honestly “It’s to make the idea of Jesus more acceptable to us.”

    My response was something akin to “false advertising” and that if Christians had issue with praising a Jew, maybe they should find a new religion.

    As for Hair Metal Christ, he looks like Michael Matijevic with a beard.

    <3 you guys!

    • Lisa Creech Bledsoe June 28, 2010 at 9:22 am #

      That portrait that you grew up with reminds me of the line from the Warren Zevon song, “I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s / And his hair was perfect.” We had that picture in our church too.

      I can understand the honest answer your minister gave you and it makes me reflect on how much I like the images of Jesus in African art (http://www.jesusmafa.com/anglais/accueil.htm) even though I know he wasn’t a black man. Maybe my biggest problem with all the Jesus-as-sissy-white-dude pictures is not as much that he’s white, but just that he looks too clean and perfect and… pretty. He doesn’t appear to actually be involved in anything requiring effort.

      Hair Metal Jesus does look like Michael Matijevic, hah!

      We heart you too, Jonny B, and we miss ya!

      • The Indelible Jonny B June 28, 2010 at 9:43 am #

        Which further reminds me of the line from “A Knight’s Tale” in which Roland said “The Pope may be French, but Jesus is English…”

        Perhaps more to it would be that since, according to tradition, God made us in his own image, we are free to visualize him in ours… African Christians can see him as black… Anglos can see him as white… etc.

        I remember reading somewhere that Jesus could be of any color or race, so long as he wasn’t Jewish or portrayed thusly… personally, I’m fine with whoever visualizing him however, but when people start screaming “Jesus was white” or “Jesus was black”, that’s when I turn off my ears.

        Although, perfect hair and teeth might be a stretch, regardless… 😉

        I’ll never let you go…

        JB

  2. Alicia H. June 26, 2010 at 12:31 pm #

    Aaarrrgg! My eyes! It burns. Clicked on the link. Evil for putting it there because you KNOW some of us just can’t help ourselves.

    • Lisa Creech Bledsoe June 28, 2010 at 9:23 am #

      I know, right? What has been seen cannot be unseen. I tried to warn you, Lish. 🙂

  3. Charlotte June 28, 2010 at 10:35 am #

    I could definitely punch a bag with Jesus’ face on it — and I kind of appreciate the fundamental dualistic premise of this particular bit of art. On the one hand, it’s potentially catharsis for those of us who’ve had it with the Abrahamic religions. On the other hand, it’s also a metaphor for Jesus-as-punching-bag — like, that was kind of his whole THING. Jesus was a punching bag for the sins of humanity.

    That pansy-ass image of him sucks, but maybe that’s the point: beat on Christ all you like, but he’ll still love you when you’re done. He’ll still have that whole serene countenance thing happening — even if it is covered in blood and vitriol. Punch Christ, Get Saved.

    I really don’t give a shit about being saved. I’d just punch it. But maybe there’s still room for a positive interpretation.

    • Lisa Creech Bledsoe June 28, 2010 at 10:55 am #

      What I’m thinking is that you should definitely come to a boxing session with me, Char. You would so dig it. I would even make a copy of the pasty patsy Jesus and duct tape it on the heavy bag for you. 😉

      I’m gonna need a different image on my bag, tho. This one would be too much like punching a fwuffy kitten.

      Give me…. I dunno. Jabba the Hut? No! The Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! http://htmlgiant.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/childcatcher-431×300.jpg

      Yep, that would work for me.

  4. Alex June 28, 2010 at 11:58 am #

    This reminded me of the “It’s Jesus LOL” meme from a couple of years back. Not entirely sure, but I think it started with this image: http://bit.ly/awIUoE.

    Then there’s this guy who draws pencil sketches of Jesus with people performing everyday tasks and titles them all “With You Always”. (http://jesus-withyoualways.com/) There are several gems here but I think my favorite is the one with the barber: http://bit.ly/bUFF5N. All very awkward, but hilariously awkward.

    I like to think that God has a sense of humor and gets a kick out of these.

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