Discovering the Curse-O-Meter
I was walking barefoot out in the woods and a broken branch took a slice out of the back of my heel, right at the base of my Achilles tendon. It was all fine (bloody, but fine) until I had to put on my shoes and get in the boxing ring. Then the pivots and slides made me curse. But only in single syllables, for the most part. Annoyance injuries are a bitch, if you’ll pardon my saying so.
Before the heel healed (I was dying to write that and I’m leaving it, no matter what anyone says), I had a bad day in the ring. Afterward I had these giant purple bruises up and down my right arm from defending against ten thousand left hooks to the body. The next day every time someone inadvertently touched my arm I swore. In double syllables, mostly.
But I would rather have the bruises all over my arm (a normal part of boxing) than the same hits straight to my ribs (also a normal part of boxing!). And I did take a few of those. One in particular landed on a 3-day-old muscle tear. I pulled out my three and four-syllable curse words for that one. Perhaps you’re beginning to see the pattern.
And the Lack of Variety
It further seems to me that we only have one really hefty, satisfyingly emotive single-syllable swear word (after all, sex is more powerful than excrement), and this F-bomb appears to be commonly translated to double syllable swears by adding -er, and in fact it tops the scales in it’s four-syllable version.
Did you ever notice this profanity meter — which seems to measure the power of the curse by the number of syllables in the words — before now? Does it seem like to you there should be more variations of swear words? And has anyone else noticed that they all seem to fall into the three categories of sex, excrement, and religion? What’s up with that?
I for one am embarrassed that we’re so uncreative with our swearing. So I’ve come up with a plan of action. I think we should rant more and swear less. I mean, some people are just awesome at ranting, and can go on for whole uninterrupted minutes with only a few good swears thrown in for spice. Check out this Craigslist dude, for example. See what I mean?
And this is just a classic rant, beautifully done.
Some people just rock at rant. Reduce your cursing, it’s boring anyway. Roll out your rants!