Fight Monster

How Boxing is Better than 11 Other Sports and Hobbies

Boxing is like playing underwater chess in a swimming pool filled with sharks. You have to keep moving, it’s hard to concentrate, and you feel like you just can’t get enough air.

But I love it anyway, and whenever someone asks me why I can’t take up a more reasonable sport I ask them what sport in particular they have in mind. Then I rebut their choice with the witty, ascerbic, and completely helpful explanations below. After you read this you too will be compelled to take up boxing immediately and I hereby grant you unrestricted use of the following miscellanea.

1. Gymnastics
In boxing, you don’t have to wear goofy leotards, it’s okay to be tall, and you never have to kiss Béla Károlyi. I’m sorry, but I’ll never never never take up a sport that involves the wearing of a leotard. Really, who invented this outfit?

2. Football
Boxing does real black eyes rather than black eye makeup, and there’s far less butt-patting. Plus it feels great to us boxers when someone pours a cooler full of ice water on our heads.

3. Hockey
Not enough fighting.

4. Soccer
Soccer is just not so much fun on a Wii. Boxing, now that’s fun on a Wii. Funny to watch others Wii-boxing too.

5-6. Golf & Tennis
Be vewwy, vewwy quiet! Or else these athletes simply can’t perform. Puh-leese, grow some, wouldja? Oh, and a Related News Flash: real fans wanna get rowdy. I say we let ’em.

7. Stamp Collecting
I’d rather be called a pugilist than a philatelist. Staying after class for Philately Club sounds like a surefire way to get your ass kicked.

8. Baseball
There is no right field in boxing, thank God.

9. Gator Wrassling
I am sooooo not wading through some swamp up to my armpits in smelly stagnant water. Leeches! Ew.

10. Cheerleading
The pay in cheerleading is abysmal. Oh, wait, that’s true for boxing too. Never mind.

11. Beach Volleyball
Sand in body crevices! Nuff said.

12. Knitting
There are no sharp needles in boxing. You could poke your eye out with one of those.

Next in this series will be a post listing sports and hobbies that are better than boxing. I do hope you will contribute your scintillating, droll, sarcastic, and witty suggestions/observations in the comments!

Image by sukanto_debnath

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4 Responses to How Boxing is Better than 11 Other Sports and Hobbies

  1. Sine Botchen October 8, 2009 at 10:50 pm #

    LMAO! Way too true.. I *almost* fall into the leotard category, what with wearing cycling shorts (spandex) and all.. and I guess this means that male boxers don’t shave their legs either?

    A pending blog topic that I never got around to doing was/is “how far (or what kind of ‘bizarre’ things) are you willing to do for your sport/hobby?” ..hmm would love to hear what boxers go through..

    • Lisa Creech Bledsoe October 20, 2009 at 4:15 pm #

      Don’t think I’ve forgotten you over here, SB. And I’ve been meaning to ask, what’s the leg shaving thing about? I knew swimmers did it — surely they don’t think it give them some kind of speed edge? I didn’t know cyclists did it too. Y’all are a crazy bunch. Wait! Did I just say that out loud?

      Srsly, boxers don’t do anything bizarre that I know of, other than participate in their crazy sport. Or maybe I haven’t questioned my teammates closely enough. Hm. I think I have research to conduct.

      What about cyclists? (Having ridden a bike at least a few times, I totally understand the need for those gel-butt shorts, btw.) Maybe you should write up a guest post for me, if y’all are good and weird. Heh!

  2. Laura October 29, 2012 at 11:19 am #

    In one of my, “how am I ever going to explain this to anyone” moments I came up with a Playing Chess with Your Body analogy, but Underwater with Sharks is even better (you mentioned chum elsewhere…nice touch!) Fun post, thanks!

    • Lisa Creech Bledsoe October 29, 2012 at 11:28 am #

      Hi, Laura! The chum makes all the difference, doesn’t it? Who knew boxing could be so much creative fun, huh? 🙂

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