Meet one of my monsters

image by Vaguely Artistic on Flickr

I have a monster I’d like to keep, but we can’t leave our relationship the way it currently runs.

Witcher rips hell out of everything and leaves the mess for someone else to clean up. She specializes in criticism and she throws her weight around like the mac daddy of an 800 lb gorilla. She looks at the videos or just watches me box and shakes her head at how bad I suck. Her rant runs along the same lines: You can’t move, you hardly throw any punches, your elbows are out, you wind up and still got nothin’, you’re gonna get obliterated when you face a real opponent.

Tiresome, I know. Believe me, I know.

So I have taken a little time to really think about what this monster needs, and I’ve decided she needs to feel her power. She’s a 200-ton diesel locomotive stuck in the body of a bayou airboat. She’s whip smart but doesn’t feel listened to.

So she and I have had to talk, and this is what I said:

Look Wee (I call her Wee like you call a big dude Tiny), you and I need to figure out how to get along. Many of the things you say are true, but I’m going to need every person on theĀ  team here to work with me and not against me. You ass is gonna be kicked right alongside mine, so I vote you 1.) throw your considerable weight in here and see how it helps us. And frankly, you could 2.) relax now and then. It would be great if you could have a double vodka before you review the latest tapes, that might help. And 3.) take the long view: I’m working my butt off, something’s gotta change eventually, right?

Honestly, Witcher? I kinda like you. I can be pretty critical myself — maybe because I’m driven. But I’m also a little bit neurotic — I take things to heart when I should blow it off like dust on vinyl. So I’ll tell you what would make this a relationship a winner is if you could share your weight and ferocity, and leave off the prophecies of doom. Then we just might rock it.

I’m thinking she’s gonna like the double vodka idea.

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