I have four guys in my family. Nobody really cooks much, so I try to keep reasonably healthy and easy-to-eat (read: no actual cooks are used in the making of this item) foods around for them. Bananas are on the list.
But my family is funny about bananas. They will love them, devour them, never let them go bad some of the time. I may pick up bananas twice, or even three times in a given week because they are eating so many of them. But sometimes I buy a bunch of bananas and they sit there. Growing their inevitable brown spots. And I will say brightly to my boys at every new opportunity, “Banana for your cereal, hmm?” or “How about a peanut butter and banana sandwich tonight?” or “Would you like to take a nice banana for your lunch/snack/friend today?”
I am a terrible banana salesperson. They never go for this.
I am slowly coming to grips with the fact that my family has a collective banana toggle switch and it’s either on or it’s off. There’s no place I can check on this switch, either. The only way to know if everyone is “banana on” is to actually purchase some and see. It’s exactly like playing the lottery. Insert money, receive bananas. Sorry, you’re a big banana loser today. Please buy again!
I used to have a fantasy about making banana bread after losing the banana lottery. I would in complete good faith tuck my bananas into the freezer beside the pot pies, pizza, burritos, and the few other “instant” freezer foods I stock. “Sleep well, little bananas,” I would whisper, “I’ll be back for you!” Six months later one of the boys would drag them out and shout (because they always shout) for someone (who, do you think?) to throw them out to make room for more pizzas, a science experiment, or even (this is a true story) six Tupperware containers full of rare North Carolina snow.
So now the losing bananas feed our worms. Which, by the way, are now free range worms. Of course I feel guilty, starving children in Haiti and so forth.
But three times in a row now I’ve brought home bananas and they’ve all been eaten. I’m on a lucky streak, and I really feel like I can win. I plan to play again.