The Glowing Edge

Tag: bar conversations

  • Unsolved Bar Band Mysteries

    Unsolved Bar Band Mysteries

    The Husband and I had a particularly awesome date this weekend. Dinner at the Bonefish Grill (I struggled to choose between scallops, my favorite, and trout), then dancing at a nearby club. We hadn’t seen this band before, but any basic rock band that I can a) sing with and b) dance to is a pretty fun band for me.

    Just one puzzling thing. Why do people LOVE the song Mustang Sally? I admit that that Sundance guy did it just about as well as I’ve ever heard it, but there’s just nothing compelling about this song for me when a rock n roll bar band does it. It is a little countrified, but I can howl “You Don’t Have to Call Me Darlin’” with the best of them (or worst), so that isn’t all of it. It’s a mystery.

    Here’s another bar band mystery: whenever a band plays the Commodore’s “Brick House,” they also will always play (it’s a law) Wild Cherry’s “Play That Funky Music White Boy.” Both are awesome songs, highly danceable. But why do they always go together?

    When the Husband’s rock band plays, the songs people inevitably dance for are (in order of level of chaos that breaks out and number of girls — and some guys — who flood the dance floor):
    1. Def Leppard, “Pour Some Sugar on Me”
    2. Guns ‘n Roses, “Sweet Child O Mine”
    3. Cheap Trick, “I Want You to Want Me”

    Also in the top ten most-danced-to are Sweet Emotion, Renegade, Walk This Way, and Paradise City.

    Which brings me to our third and final mystery: Why is are the dancers typically 80% female?

  • Or, “I love women who aren’t afraid to put on a few pounds”

    I am continually astonished that anyone would try to pick me up in a bar. Last night four of us went out to hear a band, and I happened to wander out from where we were sitting. I had been standing by the dance floor watching the band (and the dancing-like-mad young women) for less than two minutes when a thirty-something guy in a white dress shirt and khakis comes over to me and says, “You look lonely.”

    Or at least that’s what I heard. I was so surprised to be spoken to at all that I gave him a baffled look and the brilliant reply, “Huh?”

    “You look lovely!” he repeated, sidling closer.

    Oh! “I’m waiting for my friends to come over,” I said quickly, pointing frantically in their general direction, and feeling a moment of mingled shock and panic.

    He beat a quick retreat, lifting his hands and saying, “Hey, I was just paying you a compliment!” before briskly walking off.

    Good heavens. All these beautiful young women in designer clothes around and he goes for the forty-two year old in jeans and no make-up.

    At least he didn’t tell me I was prettier than a beer truck.

  • less documented uses of duct tape

    Last night the boys had a gig at a biker bar in a nearby, um, town. Well, out in the middle of nowhere, actually — no town directly involved. Anyway it was notable for two reasons, one of which was that both my father and The Husband’s mother attended. And stayed for two solid sets, during which the drunk biker wearing a tee shirt with a slogan I would be horrified to allow my children to see chatted amiably and at some length with both. He would have danced with my mother-in-law if she’d been willing.

    The other notable thing about the evening was the fact that the bathroom in this bar was the only place I have ever seen duct tape used to a) patch a hole in the porcelain sink and b) hold the broken-in-half toilet seat together. Wow. I went through the Duct Tape Guys site, but didn’t see that one.

  • Bar Conversation Hypothesis

    The boys rockin the house…

    I usually go at least once or twice a month to hear the Husband play in an 80’s metal cover band. (No, he didn’t listen to that music growing up, but he does play bass and his friend was looking for a bass player.) I’m starting to form a hypothesis that the conversations you hear/have in a bar fall into one of four categories:

    1. Rock star fantasies
    2. Dramatic, sometimes weepy, declarations of love
    3. Non-sequiturs
    4. Observations on other people’s bad/stupid/outrageous behavior

    For example, last night during the second set (everything juicy happens in the second set) I happened to see a guy wearing a Corrosion of Conformity shirt.

    Me: “Hey, is COC still around? I saw them play live here years ago.”

    Guy: “Oh man, I LOVE Corrosion of Conformity! Hey, I KNOW those guys really well!”

    Me: “Really?”

    Guy: “Yeah! I was almost their drummer! I talked to those guys for like a month! I almost got to play drums for their next album! I was like, this close! I was almost their drummer!”

    That was sort of a combination of numbers one and two above. And it was kinda sweet, in a way. Doesn’t every guy wish he played in a rock band?

    Here’s my favorite example of number three and two from last night. I was in the women’s room with an older woman and we are waiting our turn when the stall door bursts open and a tearful young woman with beautiful long brown hair says:

    Long Brown Hair: “OMG. Do you have a hair tie? I really need a hair tie! I can’t find mine, I think it came out! OMG, I don’t know what I’m going to do!”

    The older woman and I, stunned by the outburst, slowly raise our hands to our boy-length hair. Before either of us can say a word, the twenty-something at the sink turns woozily and cries:

    Long Blond Hair: “Oh, honey, I know what you mean! I have always wanted short, darling hair like theirs, haven’t you? That style is so gorgeous, don’t you think? I have always wanted short hair like that.”

    Then everybody hugged each other and we went back out to dance to “Pour Some Sugar on Me.”

    There were three people who were the clear subject of number four above.

    The first two were a couple who could have left and gone to his/her place, but didn’t. Once in a while a guy would circle around the oblivious couple, pretending to videotape the action.

    The other was a dude who kept standing worshipfully in front of the lead guitar player, frequently trying to get his attention during the middle of a song. Sigh. The price of fame and glory. In this particular bar, the band sets up and plays on a stage that has a rail all the way around the front of it. (Heh. Sort of like an altar rail.) Fortunately the I-need-to-talk-to-you-right-now-while-you-are-playing-“Back in Black’” guy couldn’t actually get to the lead guitar player, but we all had fun saying things about him. Obviously a number one and four.

    Compelling hypothesis, isn’t it? More testing is required, of course, but I could be on to something big.