Tag: intense

  • Python Surgery

    Python Surgery

    I once assisted in an unanaesthetized minor surgery on a 14-foot reticulated python.

    This little event happened at one of the jobs I’ve loved most in my life, working for the NC Museum of Life and Science, many moons ago. I helped design exhibits, made trips to carry animals to and from different locations in NC (a raptor center, a wildlife rehab lab, an aquarium, etc.), designed newsletters and signage, raised and taught about animals (I even once raised a hummingbird), and generally enjoyed every moment I worked there.

    The Museum had two beautiful reticulated pythons. The most sweet-natured was named Joey and we took her to all the educational events for the children to experience. She was easy to carry around (her main handler could lift her, although it was easier with two people), seemed to enjoy car rides, moved slowly, and was endlessly tolerant of loud and rowdy children.

    But on one memorable occasion when her feeder was putting the (live) rabbits in the pythons’ environment, Joey got bitten by her very irritable roommate, who on this particular day seemed to think there weren’t enough rabbits for both of them. Seeing one angry 14 foot python suddenly strike another from across a room is a life-changing experience.

    When the bite became infected, we didn’t exactly want to load a hurting Joey up and carry her to the vet’s office, so he came to us. When we learned that the wound needed debridement (i.e, a scraping away of all the decayed flesh) we set up a makeshift surgery table and called in the troops. Several strong men held Joey still and kept her jaws clamped shut while the vet did his work. He asked me to hold a powerful light right next to the wound, which was near Joey’s head. I can remember hearing her slow breathing: iiiiinnnnn, then a long frustrated hisssssssssss. I glanced nervously at the main handler holding her jaws, but he was sweating and sending intense “hurry the hell up” vibes to the vet, who was certainly not dallying. “Can you hold that steady, please,” I remember him saying to me as I shook and tried not to wet my pants.

    The wound was scraped clean and (possibly? I can’t recall) sewn shut. I marveled at the hardness of Joey’s scales and the warmth of her body. She was one long muscle. Probably one long aching muscle, the next day.

    It was one of the most interesting and unusual experiences I’ve ever had; I wouldn’t trade it for a Baltimore News Babe Ruth or a Honus Wagner rookie card.

    ‘Course, I’ve never been much for baseball.

    Image by ervinmw
  • Evander Holyfield Workout

    Evander Holyfield Workout

    Evander “The Real Deal” Holyfield is a four-time heavyweight title winner in the pro boxing universe, with a Golden Gloves championship, an Olympic bronze and a Pan American silver to show off from his amateur days, too. He has fought greats like George Foreman, Larry Holmes, and (of course) Mike Tyson. He’s been painfully bitten on the ear twice, yes, but he’s also done his share of over-the-line crap like headbutting. And don’t even open a discussion about his media career (woo, he’s in a Taco Bell commercial these days) or his family life. Just try to match his workout and then you can talk bad about him.

    This little baby below is a killer. Our trainer modified this routine slightly from the original and put us through it and I wanted to perish and be laid to rest so I could stop having to do them. Good times.

    Before you start, warm up. But not too much. You’re gonna need every ounce of strength and fortitude you can scrape together in order to finish this one.

    1. Sprint 40 yards
    2. Sprint backwards 40 yards
    3. Do 10 frog jumps (be explosive!)
    4. Do 10 push-ups
    5. Bear crawl (like Spiderman) 40 yards
    6. Bear crawl backwards 40 yards
    7. Sideways run right 40 yards
    8. Sideways run left 40 yards
    9. Do 10 frog jumps
    10. Explosive skipping (knee up as high as possible) forward 40 yards
    11. Explosive skipping (same as above) backward 40 yards

    Let me just tell you in advance that those backwards bear crawls are going to make you cry. The forward ones are bad enough. But your brain just does. not. want. to do those things backwards in tandem with your muscles. Watch out for your face on the floor, there.

    Oh, and the skips sound like such a vacation. They aren’t.

    The point is to go for a solid 3 minutes — assuming you can complete this in 3 minutes — with your heart rate at or over it’s max capacity. For me that’s 180 bpm, and I have noooo problem reaching it on this plan. And it’s all anaerobic, meaning you’re operating without enough frikkin oxygen to your muscles. It’s imperative that boxers have high anaerobic capability because of how the sport works.

    Oh, did you think you were finished? Dear, dear Virginia. You probably believe in Santa Claus, too.

    No, honey, you have to finish this drill, puke if necessary, get your breathing under control, and go again. Two more times. It’s all good.

    Did I say good? I meant to say, it’s pure hell. Have fun, boys and girls!

    Image credit: cliff1066 on Flickr