Tag: scary

  • Halloween Toes

    Halloween Toes

    Boys, I’m not even going to apologize for posting this ’cause I am so rockin‘ the black Halloween toenail polish. I wanted to ask the professionals who applied it if they could add little skulls, or aliens, or Disney princesses, or a swine flu virus molecule or something scary but I figured it would be a no go.

    This picture was taken in my Scion xB toaster car in my suburban cookie-cutter ‘hood in the fabulous fall weather on the way to a friend’s wedding. (It was kind of a casual wedding, but it was a wedding, which is why I wore my sparkly flip flops rather than the plain ones. There are limits.) (Oh. And I wasn’t driving, so the taking of this photograph did not endanger anyone.)

  • 19 Best Worst Villains of All Time

    19 Best Worst Villains of All Time

    I recently read a “Top 10 Best Villains” post by NC blogger and romance author Sonja Foust that made me start thinking about the bad guys I love to hate. Here’s my own ordered version of the list, with a few notes and “Dishonorable Mentions” at the end. I hope you’ll add your villains to the comments, too.

    1. Count Dracula, from Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel
    Definitely my worst villain of all time. I discovered the novel at a young age and was in horrified thrall to vampires. I lost MANY nights of sleep over this, and it was years, years I say, before I began to get over my delicious and unwelcome terror.

    The thing about the Count — and you KNEW it was coming — was that he got Lucy and Mina! I was so upset about that. Mina was a wimp (a redshirt from the beginning), but I had hopes for Lucy. Forget garlic, get yourself a throat-cutting kukri and a Bowie knife for the heart work. Even then, I worry.

    ChildCatcher12. The Child Catcher, played by Robert Helpmann in the 1968 movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

    This terrifying creature had a HOOK and a net and a cage and moved around in broad daylight! What on earth was this horrible bit doing in an otherwise cheery-wonderful film (he wasn’t in the book, interestingly)? I had actually forgotten about the creepy Child Catcher until I had kids of my own and rented this as a family film one night. It caught me completely unawares and I had to stop the movie, I was so upset. Augh! This character was also supposedly the “inspiration” for Marilyn Manson’s 1995 release Smells Like Children. Yikes.

    3. Bluebeard, from the 1697 French fairy tale by Charles Perrault
    Technically the most ancient of my villainous panoply (“villainous panoply,” did you like that?), this murderous aristocrat first showed up on my horizon in a (most treasured) book of fairy tales I received as a gift as a 6 year old. I was so horrified by this particular character that I marked the story and for years I carefully avoided opening the book to that page.  The story is thought to be based on the life of a 15th century self-confessed serial killer. Perfect for the kiddies!

    4. Wicked Witch of the West, played by Margaret Hamilton in the 1939 movie The Wizard of Oz
    The first female villain to appear in my nightmares, this witch was even more frightening to me than the wicked queen from Snow White, the Snow Queen from the Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale, and Disney’s Cruella de Vil all rolled into one.

    5. Freddy Krueger, played by Robert Englund in the 1984 movie A Nightmare on Elm Street

    SweenyTodd6. Sweeney Todd, from the 1846 series The String of Pearls
    I first encountered Sweeny Todd in theater class in junior high school. We didn’t do the play, but we studied it. I was shocked that such a character would find its way to the stage. Seemed a bit bloody to me. Btw, the original Demon Barber of Fleet Street was NOT a tragic figure, but was rotten from the beginning.

    7. Buffalo Bill aka Jame Gumb, played by Ted Levine in 1991 film Silence of the Lambs
    Hannibal Lector was awful, but Buffalo Bill and his pit in the basement was the real terror for me.

    frank booth8. Frank Booth, played by Dennis Hopper in the 1986 movie Blue Velvet
    Saw this film in college and have regretted it ever since. Whew.

    9. Dr. Christian Szell, played by Laurence Olivier in the 1976 movie Marathon Man
    Going to the dentist was never the same.

    10. Rhoda Penmark, age 8, from the book The Bad Seed by William March
    Wicked, wicked child. I heard they made this into a movie. I’m glad I didn’t see it.

    11. Damien Thorn, from the book The Omen by David Seltzer
    Another wicked, wicked child.

    12. The Grand Inquisitor, from Dostoevsky’s novel The Brothers Karamazov
    Having been raised in the church, this story rang so horribly true that I could barely think of anything else for weeks after I read it.

    JackTorrance13. Jack Torrance, played by Jack Nicholson in the movie The Shining.
    I had read the novel long before I saw the film, and I have to admit that Jack Nicholson did the character justice.

    14. Annie Wilkes, from Stephen King’s book Misery
    I never saw Kathy Bates’ portrayal of Annie Wilkes, but I can imagine. And no matter how horrifying you thought the movie was, I’m here to tell you that I bet the book was far worse. I thought it would NEVER be over! I swear I’ll never be anyone’s “Number One Fan.” Aaaaah!

    15. Alex Forrest, played by Glen Close in the 1987 movie Fatal Attraction
    Bunny boiler!

    16. Miss Havisham, from Charles Dickens’ novel Great Expectations
    In the vein of Miss Hannigan, the orphanage matron in (Little Orphan) Annie, and Fagin from Dickens’ Oliver Twist. What is it with people being mean to orphans?

    Ash17-19. Non-human villians:
    Jaws, as well as the Alien and Ash (Bilbo Baggins!! What a creepy android) from the Alien film(s).

    Dishonorable Mentions
    Norman Bates (Psycho), the Borg (Star Trek), and Audrey Jr., the man-eating plant (Little Shop of Horrors).

    I didn’t see The Dark Knight, A Clockwork Orange, or Schindler’s List, so those notable villains don’t appear here. And sorry, Darth Vader never made my list. Not scary.

    And finally, I LOVED the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man (Ghostbusters). And I love Ray Stantz’s silly little brain for thinking him up.

    Don’t forget to leave your villains in the comments!!

    Top image credit: krancien

  • First (Unofficial) Match!

    First (Unofficial) Match!

    On Thursday I received a two-sentence email that made me shriek and caused at least one co-worker to check in on me. In two days, some women from Wilmington and Fayetteville were going to be getting some informal matches at a Raleigh gym, and I was invited. I was invited!

    I emailed my trainer, who gave me the thumbs-up for the event, and instructed me to get in touch with Tim, to see if he could go as my corner. During team training the next night I was distracted and couldn’t concentrate. I finally reached Tim by phone around 9 pm, and he agreed to help me out, even though he was moving into a new apartment that next morning. I was set, except for trying to get some sleep that night, at which I failed miserably.

    Oh, and except for the “get there on time” part, too. I was so wound up that I got up Saturday morning, called my corner to check in, got in the car and drove to the wrong gym.

    Whereupon I called my corner, admitted I was an idiot, and drove to the correct gym, arriving 20 minutes late. Arrgh.

    Tim was waiting on me and we walked in together. I immediately saw a woman already in the ring whom I’d seen fight in Fayetteville. I knew I would be okay if I had to get in with her. But she was working with another boxer who was even better: this woman was fast, light, and throwing multiple flurries that snapped and popped and echoed in the otherwise empty gym. “Crap,” I said. “I hope they don’t put me in with that girl. She’s good.”

    “She has a lot more experience than you do,” Tim noted smoothly, adding, “But you’re fine. You’re ready for this.”

    Corners are always like this. They tell you stuff that initially appears to be an outright lie: take for example “You’re fine.” On the face of it, this is a pure-dee falsehood. I was not fine, I was triple-knotted and soaked with anxiety and terrified out of my wits. But somehow when they say “You’re fine,” you are so conditioned to listen and obey that it begins to be true. Your anxiety level immediately dips and you begin the journey toward fine. Actually, it’s somewhat miraculous. Doctors should get in on this act, but they never will because it won’t make them any money.

    Once he had me listening, Tim followed by telling me in the quietest, calmest, you-better-listen-to-me-or-I’ll-personally-kick-your-ass voice, his top most important instruction for the match. “I’m going to be in your corner, I’ll be giving you instruction and you are going to listen to my voice without turning to look at me. Ever. Are you with me on this? You are not going to stop, you are going to keep boxing and I’m going to corner for you. But you are not going to turn or look at me. Right?”

    I hope I had the grace to blush. It’s a hard impulse to overcome, and I’ve screwed this up numerous times. Part of it is that the headgear blocks out so much hearing, and part of it is 43 years of cultural conditioning that says you look at someone when they talk to you. Periodically I do this when I’m in the ring and I risk getting clobbered. “I’m not going to look at you,” I promised, watching the women in the ring dance around each other.

    “Right,” he affirmed, then repeated himself a few more times for good measure.

    When we got ringside the two women climbed out of the ring for a break. Their trainers watched me with eagle eyes as I warmed up on jump rope, sizing me up ten ways from Sunday. I pretended to be impassive and tried to relax into my rope work, which I frequently find soothing anyway. My rope whizzed and clipped the concrete and sent quick, staccato echoes ricocheting off the cinderblocks. I broke a sweat pretty quickly; it was an oven in there. No one spoke. Or maybe it just seemed that way.

    By some silent signal, two fighters took the ring for a match. I skipped rope and watched, carefully evaluating the performance of each boxer and deciding in my mind what tactics I would take in response. This is a constant mental exercise for boxers: you view everyone as your potential opponent, and make lists of the strengths and weaknesses of each match-up. Already I had the first list in my head: the boxer whom I’d seen fight in Fayetteville? She was tall like me, but slower; I would beat her on punch count. She was slightly heavier than me; I would prepare myself to take harder hits and try to move and slip punches more. The young woman currently in the ring with her was a complete beginner, but a good bit heavier than me. I would stay away from her wild loaded punches, wait until she tired, then overwhelm her with simple combinations. The scary fast woman with experience? Employ my reach to keep her away from the inside game, and tighten my defense. And throw a boatload more punches. Ugh, the thought of that particular opponent was making my stomach flip and it didn’t bear thinking more on.

    I coiled up my rope and walked back over to the ring, where Tim picked up his quiet stream of instructions as if we’d never been interrupted. I gloved up and he fastened my headgear and smeared my cheeks, forehead, and chin with Vaseline, which prevents minor cuts and helps gloves slide off the face. There’s something humbling and intimate about accepting these small services from your corner or trainer; it makes me intensely grateful to not be alone in facing an opponent.

    One of the other trainers put the fast and experienced boxer in the ring, caught my eye, and lifted his chin toward where she was waiting. My heart skittered off like a covey of birds exploding into flight. I turned to face Tim. “What?? They’re putting me in with her? She’s the best fighter here!”

    “You’re fine,” he reminded me (see above). “This is why you came here today. And you’re not going to stop or turn when you listen to me.”

    He paused, then added, “I want you to do one thing today. I want you to keep your right up.” He eyed my opponent and turned back to me. I thought of her flurries popping like buckshot on plywood and nodded, banging my gloves together for emphasis. “Right up. You got it,” I mumbled over my mouthpiece.

    I climbed between the ropes, Tim climbed up to my corner, and I tried not to think. The ref called “Box!” and we bumped gloves, circled, and settled in to work.

    I almost always throw the first combination; it’s a testament to my nerves but it also happens to be a smart way to start scoring, especially with a boxer who excels at flurries. My opponent danced out of reach and waited. In what was to become our pattern for the next four rounds I advanced and threw a combination, whereupon she darted inside and unloaded as many body shots as she could.

    After the first two rounds of body shots, I felt the dawning of a glorious revelation: she wasn’t hitting me as hard as all the guys at my gym! I suddenly realized I was in the ring with someone close to my weight who was a woman. Most of my sparring partners, with the sole exception of Tim (my corner), are heavier than I am, which makes a big difference in the power of a punch. And almost all of my sparring partners are men, who often have better upper body power. Even though Tim and I are actually in the same weight category, his punches make my head buzz. Her punches weren’t nearly so hard to take!

    But I still needed to stop the inside game. My typical fallback is a double right hook to the head and body, although it isn’t the most powerful response in a close-in situation. Later that night I replayed the scene over and over again as I tried to fall asleep: I should have stepped out and thrown an overhand right. I should have tried some uppercuts. Uppercuts are incredibly hard to time and land right, but they are by far the most effective punch on someone whose head is butting toward your chest. If you can get in. This woman’s defense was pretty tight, and truthfully, I was keeping two points of contact (elbow to ribs and gloves to chin) pretty well, which kept many of her shots from meeting my midsection. She was also pretty good at jabbing out when she had to get out of the clench, but I was doing my best to lean on her, pin her gloves when they slipped under, and jab out myself when we separated. Amazingly, I was holding my own. Revelation number two.

    After the first round I returned to my corner sucking for air (anxiety is a massive energy killer) but thrilled. “You’re not tired,” Tim informed me, and I felt my battery charge immediately reverse direction and begin creeping back into the green. “And now you know what she has. This is good. This is all good.” I listened while keeping my eyes glued to my opponent in the opposite corner. Her trainer was talking calmly to her, too. About me! I remember thinking, This is so cool. They have to figure out what to do about me. Heh. I tried on some swagger. Tim told me dryly, “Lean back against the ropes and rest.” I did. “And keep your right up. Do you hear me telling you that? You’re dropping your right. She’s gonna catch you clean if you don’t keep your right up.” I nodded, and the ref called “Box!”

    We worked. We mostly worked in the same pattern the entire time; she continued to allow me to lead (I even became aware of her corner counseling her to wait for my lead) and she would power in with her body shots. I would hook to her head and body, lean on her, capture her gloves, and make her break out or shove me off. Over and over again we worked on that, neither of us able to make a major change in how it was being played. We didn’t care, we were too intensely focused and powerfully engaged to care. Three rounds went by in an eyeblink.

    Tim had been saying over and over again from the corner “Keep your right up, Lisa.” And while I heard with my ears, my body had ideas of it’s own. So in the middle of the third round she caught me clean (as predicted), in one of the most perfectly timed, beautifully executed straight rights to the face as I’ve ever taken. It had pop, it had sting, and it was gorgeous.

    I was so impressed by it that I broke ranks — just for a heartbeat — to exclaim, “Damn! Nice shot!” And for the first time I saw her grin, the white of her teeth gleaming behind the clear double mouthguard she was wearing. I did not stop, we did not even pause in our work, but there was a moment in there where I just really appreciated the beauty of that one punch, even though I was on the receiving end of it. And I tried, I really did, to get my right up to block future beauties like it. I’m sure Tim audibly cursed and sighed, and he was justified.

    But I caught her a few times too, and those shots felt equally exhilirating. Once I popped her a good one as she straightened her headgear, and inwardly did cartwheels of glee that I had not been the one to make that mistake this time, like I have so many times in the ring before.

    At the end of three rounds (typically the length of an amateur bout) the ref looked at us and raised her eyebrows. “You wanna go another round?” she asked us, and my heart sang. We both jumped at the chance. It was a beautiful thing, to find a match that feels that good, that solid, where you’re learning so much and working so hard you don’t want it to end just yet. Tim gave me another tiny sip of water, I dribbled it out (now I get that part — never did understand before how the anxiety makes you not want to drink any water), and he sent me back in.

    My opponent threw more shots than I did; if it had been an official bout she would have won. But we would never have been able to fight for points, since she is in her 20’s and I’m 43. We also would never have gotten that fourth round. So I came out thrilled about the experience and utterly unconcerned about the score. We had given each other a match, and we both came away richer. It could not have been better, as far as I was concerned.

    Once I geared down I went over to where she was resting and thanked her for the match. “I’m Lisa,” I said, and she stared at me, surprised perhaps, for just a moment, before saying, “I’m Latiesha.” I’ll be watching for her next fight, and if I ever get a chance, you can bet I’ll cheer for her.

    As Tim and I left the gym I was happily surprised one more time: my opponent’s trainer came over to us and shook hands. We had not spoken before, and I didn’t even know his name. “When you get back and see Bonnie,” he said, smiling, “you tell her Coach Andre said hello.” I was stunned that he knew who we were. When I told my trainer about it later, she just shook her head and laughed.

    “I told you before,” she grinned. “It’s a small circle of people in the boxing world. We all know each other.” That’s kind of cool, don’t you think?

  • Dealing with a Visiting Boxing Team

    Dealing with a Visiting Boxing Team

    legohulkOn Saturday our boxing gym hosted another gym for some sparring; an event I expected to be utterly ordinary.

    An interesting mix of people showed up: fighters, trainers, a promoter, and a few girlfriends, moms, and children. Some fighter from a reality boxing show was there, too. Other than my trainer Bonnie, I was the only white girl — and we were certainly the only female boxers — in the place.

    Originally I had plans to get a few rounds in with a couple of the guys on my team; a warm-up for them, work for me. We knew the visiting gym wouldn’t have anyone for me to fight; this was mostly about letting some of our men get sparring experience with new fighters.

    They got that, but what I got was an education.

    Our visitors were an hour late and huge. Men bared acres of scarred and inked flesh, flexed, and gleamed. Bonnie pulled on rubber gloves and set out spit buckets in the corners; I’d never seen either in our ring before. Yeah, we get blood, but not much blood. And we just drink water from our water bottles between rounds; nobody actually spits it back out. Everyone was guardedly polite, but it was clear that this was going to be a showdown.

    As soon as the crowd arrived, I shelled off my gear and quietly told my trainer that I’d get my rounds another time. I could see this was going to be way out of my league.

    It was promotion politics, egos, and the inevitable pound out. I saw one fighter whose duct-taped hand wraps looked like he’d secured gauze-covered baseballs to the backs of his hands. I had no idea how he’d manage to get his hands into gloves. Nobody warmed up, they ducked between the ropes stone-cold.

    The first round brought first blood and for me it was downhill from there. No one was calling down their boys; nobody was pulling punches. Every throw was loaded and every round was a beat-down. There were a few questionable hits and tactics, but mostly it was a monsoon’s worth of testosterone and I didn’t belong there.

    One of our pro boxers was dogged in the ring by a faster, heavier, amateur slugger whose fists sounded like stacatto bursts of small arms fire. Two heavyweights squared off, barely moving, and tore each other down with one bomb after another. Both of them had shirts covered with blood smears at the end of the second round.

    The men crowded around the ring and the wives and girlfriends stayed off to the side, tending children and chatting, or looking on dispassionately from the outer edge. It was hot and loud, my head was buzzing, and I was pale as milk. I had forgotten to eat lunch, and my blood sugar was plummeting. After seeing one of our boxers take a hit behind the ear that took his legs right out from under him, and seeing another go to his knees twice from the power of the punches he was taking, I was pretty sure I was in the wrong sport. I packed up my gear and bailed.

    The next morning I arrived in the gym severely rattled.

    I found my trainer cheerfully putting two other laughing, sweating women through a training routine. Bonnie called me in and made me follow every set they did. By the time we finished the session I was feeling better. I joined in the group class that was just starting as the personal training ended, and sweated out my fears, enjoying the mock groans and real grunts of effort all around me.

    I felt strong; I was soaring through the workout with energy to spare. My team mates drifted in and I tentatively asked them how they were feeling.

    One had a minor black eye, but none seemed any worse for the wear. For them, it was just part of the ebb and flow of boxing. Yes, they took a beating, but they weren’t troubled. One was already going over his weaknesses in the ring and laying out plans for improvement. I told them how caught off guard I had been. They listened attentively and calmly began rebuilding my confidence. You’re going to do just fine, they promised me, and we’re going to help you. It’s all about time and experience; you’ll get where you need to be.

    After an hour and a half of training, Bonnie put me in the ring for a couple of rounds with my teammates. They were fast, serious, and made me work hard. Then Bonnie got in with me. “For the next two rounds,” she told me, “I’m not going to say a word; you and I are going to box. You listen to your teammates, they are going to coach you.”

    And they did. Tim took the lead. To the rhythm of his instruction I drove out my shots, took my hits, and worked a little bit of strategy. I ducked, cut angles, and pieced together short combinations. I blocked some hooks and got rocked by others. I left the gym that Sunday on wings.

    That night I dreamed my teammate’s voice, shouting constant direction and encouragement from my corner. I am in love with boxing again. Let the journey begin.

  • One of My Earliest Stupid Ideas, and How It Turned Out

    One of My Earliest Stupid Ideas, and How It Turned Out

    Watching “Salem’s Lot” while babysitting at home one night. Yep.

    Here’s the basic timeline of events.

    1975: I was ten years old when the “Salem’s Lot” book came out. I read it, so I should have known better than to watch the movie. Alone. At night.

    1979: The made for TV movie came out. I was 14 and stupid. I watched it, and became reasonably certain that vampires existed and were after me. I began going to bed clutching a cheap silver cross necklace that I got at the State Fair three years previously. I wasn’t sure this tactic would work, but didn’t have an alternative.

    1986: I discovered Anne Rice’s books “Interview with the Vampire” and “The Vampire Lestat.” I read them, and felt somewhat relieved. Vampires weren’t as scary as I had thought. Some of them are rock stars. Whew.

    Image credit: izarbeltza on Flickr