The Job I Really Want

I first became aware that naming cosmetics was a cool job when I tried on some metallic silver nail polish by Hard Candy called “Trailer Trash.” But while Hard Candy does have a few other standouts (Hick, Vinyl, Static), Urban Decay goes the distance with nail polish names like Freakshow (silvery purple with a hint of green), Exhaust (iridescent lavender with silver flecks), and ID (holographic pink). Their Lip Gunk comes in Shotgun, Biker, Asphyxia, Shifty, and Burn Out. Eye pencils come in 1999, Deviant, Dime, Covet, and Zero, among others. The vegan selections have a tiny pawprint by them, a nice touch. And thankfully, there are no coffee names.

Here are some names I am collecting, while I await my text message from Urban Decay notifying me of the scads of cash they can’t wait to deliver to me for my brilliance:

Wetware, Zaftig, Wiki, Space Opera, Soup Kitchen, Maladroit, Silly Putty, Event Horizon, Wave-Particle Duality, Open Source, Golem, Globalize, Hoi Polloi, Cliché, Doppler Effect, Lottery Ticket, Talking Points, Pack-a-Nabs, Kerosene, Baba Gannouj, Boba Fett, Sobriquet, Joan Jett, Cryogenic, Poison Ivy, Wintermute, Commodore 64, Fug, Naff, Chlorine, Protoplasm, BRB, Troll, Web 2.0, Oscillate, Yo-Yo, Low Rez, Geek-a-Thon, Erstwhile, Memepool, Electric Sheep, Weasel, Fractious, Organic, Hawt Dawg, Long Tail, Umbra, Hoopla, Supercilious, Anagram, Mission Critical, PC Load Letter, Sustainability, Flat Earth, Zeitgeist, Harridan, Asterisk, String Theory, CXO, Gravedigger, Shrödinger’s Cat, Gomommy, IM, IT, PDA, PDF, and JPEG.

If I wore lipstick, I would wear Poison Ivy (vegan). I think other people would too.

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2 Responses to The Job I Really Want

  1. Biff Spiffy November 11, 2009 at 11:00 am #

    You could hire yourself out for band names too…
    9-volt tongue, still my favorite
    .-= Biff Spiffy´s last blog ..Time Flies Like An Arrow =-.

    • Lisa Creech Bledsoe November 11, 2009 at 11:58 am #

      Damn, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.

      I’m gonna fill my… shower stall with cash and… stare at it in delight. While drinking a Bloody Mary. With my friends. In my bathroom.

      Wait, wait…

      (9-volt Tongue is most excellent, I agree.)

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