When I was in school the only book we ever passed around was Judy Blume’s Wifey, which had sex scenes. We shared the novel furtively, like we were slipping over a nickel bag of pot; no one knew who owned it — the same dog-eared copy must have passed through the locker of every female in 8th grade.
So imagine my surprise when the First brought home a honking doorstopper of a book which — get this — a girl had loaned him. No sex in the entire thing, either. You guessed it, it was Twilight.
I tried to engage with the Twilight phenomenon, I really did. But it clearly wasn’t written for me so I returned the 4-pound hardback (the First had read it in a flash) and back it went to the girl who convinced him to read it in the first place. (She soon sent home boat anchor number two in the series.)
Recently my nine-year-old son was loaned a copy of the Twilight movie by a girl on his bus. (What is it with girls today?) I figured the movie would be more accessible, so last night I sat on the couch with all three of my boys and watched the first half.
1. There’s nothing interesting about these vampires. Yes, Eddie-boy is brooding and beautiful (I actually like the Jacob character more), but that isn’t enough to carry the film. Plus, the girl has one expression, rather like Elijah Wood’s Frodo in the LOTR series. Boy do I ever get tired of that same look.
2. There’s nothing interesting about these special effects. Let me tell you who rocks the effects: Chow Yun Fat films and their like. You know, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Curse of the Golden Flower, Hero, House of Flying Daggers and all the others. Dude, ninja-types get me totally jacked up, how they can balance on a perfect autumn leaf in mid-air while their robes billow about them and their sword gleams. Epic. These vampires have a little bit of super speed, but CYF and his crew would kick their vampire butts in any show-down, any day, no question.
So. I’ll finish watching it with the boys tonight, but I ain’t expecting much. Feel free to weigh in and convince me otherwise. Did you like it? Why or why not?